Emer: But I am the worst.

Games Played: World of Warcraft, Just Dance 2016, New Super Mario Brothers

Games Beat: None.

Ok, look, by all rights, I should be starting this out with a list of the games I own and have not played yet, to keep myself honest. I’m a little intimidated by all the things. iOS devices, PS Vita, DS, Wii U, Xbox, Mac, PC. This is a disaster. It’s a shame. You know what? I’m a game hoarder. I’m a digital game hoarder. Hello, my name is Emer, and I have a problem.

So let’s make the same promise this year that I made and failed at so spectacularly last year: no new games until I finish the ones I own. I may have added to the hoard last year but you know what? I also finished Limbo for iOS, the single most frustrating game I’ve ever played. And I played the Three Stooges on NES, so I know from whence I’m talking. But I learned from last year, and I’m not starting off with a morale killer, a time sucker, I’m starting off with the CLASSICS. Let’s talk New Super Mario Brothers for Wii U. This came with my console, so I could have kicked it on a technicality, but it’s very very cold and I can play this in bed with the Wii U controller, so it stays.

I am old(er than Ch00), and I played Mario on the NES when it was new, so I should be a pro, but honestly I never beat that either (nor Super Pitfall, The Three Stooges, Double Dragon or Duck Hunt). My siblings and I spent a lot of time perfecting the odd glitch to get into the negative worlds, but level 9 was always a killer. I did however beat the hell out of the Legend of Zelda and A Link to the Past, so at least I’m consistent.

Actually,  this is a personality defect. When I went skiing for the first time, I did perfectly fine. I had no problem with balance, with steering. No, where I had issues is I’d start going too fast, second guess myself and make myself fall. Apparently this defect carries over into gaming. I’ll be going too fast, panic, and immediately fall off a platform/run into a lava wand/die to a goomba. It’s a problem.

Sidenote: I think that you can actually improve your gaming watching other people game. My favorite streamers are the really even tempered ones, and it turns out a lot of even tempered people play Super Mario Maker, so I’ve been watching a LOT of that game. And I’m almost ashamed to admit that when playing NSMB before, I got stuck in World 2 and gave up in frustration, but last night I breezed through it. I even was better at finding the 3 magic coins every level, because my eye was trained to look for cheese. So, last night, World 1 and World 2 complete; I moved on to the underwater world because I want to get it over with. I’ll report back on my frankly insane theory of absorption of skill through twitch when I’m a few more worlds in. I suspect I’ll regret tempting the gods thus with bragging.

Otherwise, I’m still soaking in the warm bath that is a return to WoW. I always think I quit it. In fact, I remember telling Ch00 quite clearly that I was done with this game, I didn’t even feel the temptation anymore, I want games with ENDINGS now. But it’s like any addiction, it’s just sleeping all the time, waiting for the weak moment when a friend offers you a leveling buddy. I’m going to get my 150,000 apexis crystal raven tonight, and I’ve leveled an entire pet battle team from level 1, so really. Friends don’t let friends play WoW.

I also played some Just Dance 2016 because I like to pretend I can dance (I can’t, really) and because it’s good exercise and on a cold day when I didn’t want to leave the house it at least raised my heart rate above a torpor.

 

So there we go, 5 days into a new year and I’m starting the year off right. On the right foot. Making the right choices. This is going to work. Ch00 and I are going to decimate our back catalogues. Let’s do this.

 

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